Becoming a Mom- Where’s the glow?

‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.’

Psalm 139:13

I’m writing a few posts about becoming a mom. They will be about different aspects of my mommy journey like falling pregnant, my pregnancies, births, etc. I’m writing them more from a journalling perspective but if I can bring hope or encouragement to anyone who may come across them, that would be such a great bonus! This post is about my pregnancies.

Caleb

I feel like, although it was super challenging, I was more involved in my pregnancy with Caleb. I’m sure it’s because it was my first pregnancy. The first trimester with Caleb was just one blur of hugging toilets and grabbing as many naps as possible. My morning all day sickness was only intensified by the fact that I was on my feet all day teaching 10-12 year olds. Thankfully the nausea eased off by 12 weeks along but then came second trimester. I’m convinced I only made it through the first trimester because of the amount of people cheering me on and telling met that everything gets better in the second trimester. Well, was I in for a surprise!

I developed pre-natal depression in my second trimester. That deserves a post of its own, but basically the change in hormones caused by my pregnancy, brought about feelings of depression. My gynea put me on pregnancy-safe medication but she had mixed up the instructions on the script landed up giving me an extremely high dosage which caused my blood pressure to drop tremendously. I’d be in the middle of a lesson and have to get as quickly as I could to my friend’s classroom before fainting. This went on for a while before she adjusted my dosage. I landed up battling with low blood pressure for most of my pregnancy but thankfully the fainting subsided. All of that paired up with insane heartburn made for a very grumpy me.

Despite all of that, I loved bonding with my ever growing bump. Feeling him move and respond to movement and sounds was magical. Caleb was a big boy and measured ahead on every scan from 12 weeks onwards. I was so thankful for a healthy, growing baby.

By third trimester, I couldn’t wait to get him out of me. I was so excited for my maternity leave, until it arrived. I spent my first few days of maternity leave in hospital with a nasty tummy bug. Caleb lost almost 500g over that time but thankfully, he was so big to start off with and managed to pick up nicely for the rest of my pregnancy. I spent the rest of my maternity leave decorating the nursery and binge-watching series.I really managed to slow down at the end of my pregnancy and prepare for the new season ahed of us.

Nolan

Being pregnant while looking after a toddler is another ball game altogether! My pregnancy with Nolan was a huge challenge.

I thought I’d had bad morning sickness with Caleb… until I fell pregnant with Nolan. I was totally incapacitated by the nausea.Thankfully I wasn’t teaching the second time round. Because I was working remotely, I could often sit in bed and do my work. On top of the nausea, my role as toddler-mommy carried on. Keeping up with the boundless energy of a toddler was like running a treadmill- exhausting and never-ending.

Also, just 3 days after we found out about being pregnant, my dermatologist identified a cancerous growth on my face. Because of its placement she urged me to see a plastic surgeon ASAP. It was scary, she didn’t give us much information other than the fact that it needed to come out, and quickly. She also suggested that the hormones causing my baby to grow were also responsible for the rapid growth of this thing on my face. The surgeon made a plan to squeeze us in for an appointment. He told us that because of it being my face, he would normally suggest general anaesthetic but because of the pregnancy, our only option was local anaesthetic. He also didn’t feel comfortable removing it so early in pregnancy risking trauma to the baby. He did provide us relief though by reassuring us that this type of skin cancer was not the type that usually spreads and is not considered harmful. Finally we felt some relief. We decided to take his suggestion and wait for the first trimester to pass. We had a close group of friends and family praying that it would stop growing while we waited-and it did! It also became a tiny bit smaller.Finally, as soon as first trimester was over, Andy stood my my side and held my hand while the surgeon removed the growth. The biopsy results showed that he successfully removed it all. It was very overwhelming to think that the very thing that was causing life to grow inside of me, was simultaneously doing the same to cancer cells. But God was bigger than it all.

I was so scared I’d develop pre-natal depression again come second trimester. Thankfully, that was not the case. In fact, my second trimester was great- I had loads of energy and felt emotionally and physically great. My only battle was that I felt like I wasn’t bonding with him the way I bonded with Cale. The movements weren’t as exciting and I often felt guilty for almost forgetting that I was pregnant. I think that all came because I was so preoccupied with keeping my very busy toddler alive, and all the exciting pregnancy things weren’t as exciting because I’d already experienced them before. I spoke to my mom about it and she assured me that it would all change once he was in my arms- she was so right.

My great second trimester came to an abrupt end when I started developing terribly intense pains in my lower back. Eventually they became so intense and came and went in regular intervals so we rushed to the doctor. Thankfully I wasn’t in labour but I was carrying another big boy and this one had positioned his big right against a bundle of nerves in my lower back, causing false contractions. That same visit, my doctor found that my placenta was calcifying faster than it should and the risk of preterm labour suddenly became a possibility. My doctor even joked with me saying that my baby was giving her sleepless nights, hoping he’d stay in. I was ordered to take it very easy for the rest of my pregnancy, which is not very easy with a toddler, but we made it to my scheduled c-section date with no complications.


I’m not the greatest pregnant lady- I’m seem to miss the ‘glow’ amidst the aches, waddles and constant need to pee. However, I am never more amazed at the workmanship of God as I am when I experience the miracle of life growing inside of me. Not only does God spend 40 weeks knitting together a little human being, so full of life and a hope, a future- a calling, but He also knits together a mamma. I’m so thankful for the time he gives to call out and shape the mommy that he needs me to be to guide and nurture my boys into becoming all that God has in store for them.

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